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So I wrote a brilliant essay this morning (I say it's brilliant and you really have no idea whether I am telling the truth) about a friendship gone wrong. I submitted it for publication to a web outlet and sat back to hope for the best.
But as I've been sitting here thinking, I've decided I'm not as happy with it as I originally was. I mean, the situation was awkward and uncomfortable and I am filled with more than a little anger over the outcome. However, when writing about it, I found that the essay lacked the humor that the situation has when I have spoken about it to others.
It's not that I'm not sad about losing a friend. On the contrary, the essay is my way of trying to cope with the loss. But at the same time, the WAY it happened is sort of funny.
I guess the lack of humor in the writing is due to my not wanting to sound cavalier or uncaring over my former friend's situation. The piece rounds out with my confusion and sadness over her struggles with her personal demons and something of a plea to those who make the same mistakes I have.
I tell my friends, students, and fellow writers how important it is to just be yourself and forget about the outcome. Which isn't to say you shouldn't care but that you should always try to remain true to yourself, be honest, and let the chips fall where they may.
Whether or not the essay is published in the outlet or a collection of essays at a later time isn't really the issue. The essay told the truth, my version of what happened, but I omitted my humor from it. Fear of sounding cold-hearted is a big part of it. Also the notion that my particular sense of humor doesn't always translate well in print. I get it. I get that the things we say aren't always what we mean. But I also can't shake the idea that I'd feel a lot better if I simply would have remained true to my vision in the first place.
Stay tuned for what the editors think...
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So, I've redesigned my site and hopefully it's as nice looking to you as it is to me. I find the font and typeface to be much easier to read and I believe the images stand out more.
Do you like it? Let me know in the comments.